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A TIME FOR FRIENDSHIP By: Frank E. Fain PhD “Remember George: No man is a failure who has friends” – Clarence Oddbody AS2, (It’s a Wonderful Life) Retirement as “Life’s Sabbath” offers each of us the opportunity to work on our relationships with our friends. Without occupational responsibilities retirees have the time and energy to deepen long time friendships and to develop new friendships. Throughout the stages of life our friends play many different roles. In our retirement years our friends play the roles of supporter, companion, and energizer: each a very important for this stage of life. First of all research has found that for retirees their friends are their most important non-family support group. In fact some research indicates that many retirees rank friends higher than family members as whom they turn to for support in certain kinds of transitional needs such as: financial decisions, health crisis, and death of spouse or other friend. In our retirement years our friends often become the “firm wall” we lean on when we get discouraged or troubled. A major part of our friends’ role as supporter is in helping us deal with grief. First during our retirement years we lose long time friends who move great distances away or through death. These losses are growing experiences for us helping us learn how to process our grief in a healthy way. Secondly the friends who remain become our counselors and comforters that help us through these difficult days of loss recovery. As our companions our friends help us avoid the sense of loneliness. Research has found loneliness is a common and dangerous emotion in retirement. Studies have found a link between a high level of loneliness and the onset of dementia. Other studies have found the more lonely one feels the greater the chances he or she will have seek nursing home care. But studies have also found that retirees who make it a priority to spend time with friends and to expand their circle of friends score lower on the loneliness scale and tend to live longer and are more satisfied with their retirement life. One just cannot replace the health benefits of a good friend’s companionship. In retirement our friends give us the energy to keep engaged with life and our community. Regretfully as we get older our circles of friends gets smaller. Retirees must make a concerted effort to expand their circle friends. For some this may mean moving out of their “comfort zone” to take the initiative to seek out new companions. Many retirees report efforts spent in this area results in finding some of their best friends in their life. One area all retirees need to focus is developing intergenerational friendships. Developing friendships with adults in various stages of life is good therapy. Many retirees find that by developing intergenerational friendships helps them keep young and maintain a “big picture” of life. As one retiree said: “If the only people you hang around are your age you get the impression life is nothing but pains, hurts, and doctor’s appointments. By having younger friends you realize there is a lot more going on in our town and world. Young friends help me keep young in my thinking and outlook on life.” In “Life’s Sabbath” remember: “No man is a failure who has friends.” Copyright © 2007, The Baptist Home, Inc., Since 1913
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